In the big bed

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I love my husband.  I love that my husband is the father of our children.

Yesterday Jason told me we should let the boys sleep in our bed just because.  They never get to do that except the 2-3 times they have been sick.  And I love that he reminds me to do things like that.

When I was growing up I never really dreamed of being a mom.  I don’t remember playing “mommy” with dolls but rather remember collecting baseball cards and playing with my brother.  When Jason and I decided to try to have a baby I never really thought about the newborn phase much.  Each year that passed and the desire for a baby became bigger and bigger I dreamed of things that came with motherhood.  I couldn’t wait for our kids to come get in our bed on Saturday mornings and to snuggle and make a big breakfast.  I couldn’t wait to do things with my kids like take them to the park or zoo.  The newborn phase just wasn’t something I thought much about.  I looked forward to sweet, innocent conversations with my kids or to teach them things like painting for the first time.

Life tends to get busy and every parent knows the time to get things done is after bedtime.  As a photographer that is my time to edit and work.  As a mom it’s my time to get laundry done and clean the kitchen.  So, when Jason mentioned letting the boys sleep in our bed I brushed it off and said I had too much to get done.  Fast forward to our bedtime.  I looked at Jason and said, “now I wish we had let them sleep with us.”  What did we do?  Well of course we went and woke up our kids and brought them to our bed.  Sutton slept through the entire thing but Fynn got upset and said, “I wanna sleep in my bed.”  We tried for a few minutes but Fynn was all over the place, even bonking heads with Jason and smacking Sutton in the face.  Both settled down for a little bit and for a brief moment my arm was wrapped around both boys and I could feel their heart beats.  In that moment I stopped and prayed to God.  I thanked him for those two heart beats.  There was a small window of time in our lives where I didn’t know if we would get to be parents or not.  Laying there, feeling each beat of their hearts I thought about those days of worry and fear and sadness.  Looking back I know the timing was all God’s work and He had it SOOOO right!  Those days of tears and frustration all lead to today.  Today I have so much more faith in God’s plan and much more comfort in knowing God has control.  I choose to trust Him.

We were a little bummed the boys didn’t last long in our bed.  What kid doesn’t want to come sleep in the big bed?!

I’m just thankful for a husband who reminds me to stop and do things like this.

September 16, 2013
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